


I'm A Doctor Not A Babysitter

by readbetweenthelions



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Gen, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 18:26:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/870607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readbetweenthelions/pseuds/readbetweenthelions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an encounter with hostile aliens, Jim and Spock are reduced to young children. Bones has to keep track of them while he attempts to find an antidote.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm A Doctor Not A Babysitter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Daiya_Darko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daiya_Darko/gifts), [jessicamiriamdrew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessicamiriamdrew/gifts).



“I don’t know what happened, sir,” the anthropology expert is saying. On his shoulder is a blonde-haired child, knocked out and bleeding a little from a scrape on the back of his head, and leading a slightly larger Vulcan child by the hand. Bones has a feeling in his stomach that is a cross between wanting to vomit and just having been punched in the gut. “The captain was talking to the head of their group, some sort of leader but not exactly a chief, more like a general - sorry, sorry - anyway the captain had told the rest of us to wait out of sight somewhere, because they might be hostile, and if they were taken captive they’d need someone to save them. Anyway I couldn’t hear what they were saying, they were too far away, but all of a sudden there was some shouting and I looked out from behind the rocks and they shot the captain and Commander Spock with some sort of ray gun... at first I thought it was a shrink ray or something, the way they were reducing size so fast - I shot at the leader and hit him in the hand, it knocked the ray gun away, but the damage was done. The rest of us came out too, fired at the rest of them, and they ran off. They took the ray gun, though, sir, and I don’t know how we’re going to fix Spock and the captain.” 

Bones takes the passed-out child from the officer’s arms. This is Jim, his captain, his best friend - he’s no more than five years old now, with baby fat on his cheeks and skinny limbs and the same sandy blonde hair. Spock looks to be about six or seven, though God only knows how old that means he actually is. “Help me take them to the medbay, Lieutenant,” Bones says. The anthropology expert nods. “Is anyone else injured? No? Alright, the rest of you, about your duties. Sulu’s in command.” 

“Aye, sir,” they mutter, and they stream out of the transporter room. Bones shifts Jim’s position in his arms, and leads the way back to medbay. 

“Chapel!” Bones calls. Christine bustles out from one of the doors. Her eyes widen in shock. The lieutenant leaves Spock in medbay, eager to get back to his station. 

“Children?” Christine asks, rushing over. 

“Jim and Spock.” 

“How - ?” 

“I don’t know, but we need to put it right. Examine Mr. Spock for any injuries, please.” 

Bones lays Jim on one of the beds. The monitor lights up, showing his vital signs stable. 

Running a quick scan over him, Bones figures he might have a minor concussion, but nothing real to worry about. Turning Jim’s head to the side, he wipes away the blood with a disinfecting wipe and bandages the cut. 

“He’s unharmed, Doctor,” Chapel says of Spock. “Thank you, Chapel,” Bones sighs. “Do you mind letting the bridge know these two are safe and mostly unharmed? Jim’s got a slight concussion, nothing I can’t handle.” She nods and heads into the other room to use the comm. 

“Who are you?” Spock asks from across the room. Bones turns to face him. They’re the first words he’s spoken, a soft and high-pitched child’s voice, but with that same emotionless Vulcan inflection. 

“Who am I?” Bones repeats, incredulous. “Who _am_ I? I’m Doctor Leonard McCoy, surely you know that!” 

“I have never met you before, Doctor Leonard McCoy,” Spock says warily. _Oh no,_ Bones thinks, _could the de-aging have caused them to lose their memories? Do they even know where they are, what they’re doing here?_

Bones sighs. “Well, you’ve met me now. D’you know where you are, Spock?” 

“I heard someone say the _Enterprise._ Am I on board a spaceship?” 

“Yes, you are. It’s a Federation starship, on a 5 year mission in deep space. Do you know what the Federation is?” 

“Of course I know what the Federation is, Doctor. Vulcan is one of the founding planets.” 

“Oh. Good.” 

“Why am I here? Where are my parents?” 

Before Bones can answer, Jim groans on the bed behind him. Bones spins around to examine him. Jim’s eyes flutter open, take in his surroundings. Then he sits bolt upright, and tries to leap down from the bed. 

“Ah, ah, ah,” Bones scolds, putting a hand on his chest and pressing him back down into a horizontal position, “You’re not going anywhere.” 

“Where am I?” Jim grunts, struggling against Bones’ hand. “Let me go! Who are you? Get off!” 

“James Kirk, I’m Doctor Leonard McCoy, and you’re in my medbay because you’re injured,” Bones says matter-of-factly. “Now you’re going to stay here with me because I’m trying to help you. Besides, this is the safest place for you kids. It’s dangerous on a starship.” 

“Woah!” Jim says then, perking up. “I’m on a _starship?_ Cool! What’s her name? Can I see the bridge? Who’s the captain, can I meet him?” 

“You’re on the _U.S.S. Enterprise,_ a Federation starship.” Bones figures he can let go of Jim now, and does so. With newly-burning curiosity, Jim looks around the medbay. “Don’t touch 

anything.” 

“Whatever you say, Doc,” Jim says. He picks up one of the hypos, examining it, and Bones snatches it from him. “Hey!” 

“Those are _dangerous,_ ” Bones scolds him. “You could hurt yourself.” 

“I’ll be careful!” Jim protests. Jim is never careful, and Bones can only imagine the care Jim would take as a child. It’s an imaginary amount, Jim’s usual amount of care multiplied by the square root of negative one. Bones gathers up the hypos on the table and locks them in one of the medical cabinets. It’s not where they usually go, and he’ll have a hell of a time putting them back where they belong later, but it’s enough to keep them out of Jim and Spock’s reach for now. 

“Hey Doc,” Jim asks, “Where’s my mom?” 

“Your mom’s not around, Jim,” Bones says, guiltily. 

“What do you mean she’s not around?” 

“Your mom is on Earth,” Bones says carefully. “We’re about 15,000 light years from Earth.” 

“Well, then how did I get here?” 

“You were brought here. On this ship.” 

“Why don’t I remember?” 

“Um. Well - “ 

“And my parents, Doctor?” Spock breaks in. “Are they on Vulcan?” 

Bones swallows against a lump in his throat. “Uh. No, Spock, they aren’t.” 

“Why not? My father is among the council of elders, and my mother has chosen to remain on Vulcan for the rest of her life.” 

“Look, now’s not the time for this discussion. Either of you. I’ve got to put you right.” 

“Put us right?” Jim asks. Bones mentally kicks himself for saying anything. “Put us right from what? What’s wrong with us?” 

“The nurse said there was nothing wrong with _me,_ ” Spock states. “Perhaps it’s something that is wrong with _you._ ” 

Jim shoves Spock angrily. “There’s nothing wrong with me! There’s something wrong with _you!_ Pointy Ears!” 

“Jim!” Bones yells sharply. Jim startles, then cowers, dropping his head and looking up at Bones. It’s like telling off a puppy, and Bones doesn’t want to do it, but - “Spock is not the same species as you and it is not okay to judge someone by their species, ever.” 

“Sorry,” Jim says to Bones. 

“Don’t say sorry to me,” Bones says, crossing his arms. “Say sorry to _Spock._ ” 

Begrudgingly, Jim turns to Spock. “Sorry,” he murmurs. 

“That’s better,” Bones says. What’s worse is, he knows that if they were all adults, Bones would have joined Jim. Bones loved nothing better than making fun of Spock. But the difference was that as an adult, Jim always teased with a measure of respect behind his words, but child-Jim did not. “Now, I have some very important work to do. I want the two of you to stay here, and I’ll know if you two are misbehaving.” 

Bones has to fix this as soon as possible. He’s fine with kids, he’s a dad - till his ex-wife got custody, at least; now he’s not sure he’ll ever see her again - but he’s a _doctor,_ not a babysitter. Besides, the ship needs its commanding officers, and Bones needs his best friends. 

Bones sets to work trying to find some sort of antidote to whatever’s happened to them. He’ll need an aging compound - the exact opposite of what medicine had been trying to do for thousands of years - and then a de-aging compound, just strong enough to slow the aging back to a normal rate. And he’d have to have two, one formulated for human Jim and the other for Vulcan Spock. 

Before long, however, there’s commotion in the medbay, which Bones tries to ignore, and then silence, which he can’t ignore. Bones enters the main room of the medbay to find Jim passed out - _again_ \- on the floor, and Spock standing slightly away with his hands clasped behind his back. 

“ _Spock!_ ” Bones yells. 

“He pulled my ears!” Spock protests. “He pulled my ears, and it _hurt,_ so I pinched him.” 

“We don’t do that,” _to our commanding officer,_ Bones almost says, but doesn’t. “Be the bigger man. Uh, Vulcan.” 

“I _am_ bigger than him,” Spock says, eyebrows knitting. “I weigh approximately 19.7 pounds more than he does, and I am 4.78 inches taller.” 

Bones pinches the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t mean _literally,_ I meant - never mind. Just, don’t do it again.” 

“Ensure that he does not do it again either.” 

“Go sit somewhere else, Spock.” 

Spock can’t have pinched Jim that hard, not with child-sized hands, so Jim will probably not be out for very long - twenty minutes, at the latest. Bones lifts him back onto the bed he started in, and is thankful for twenty minutes of peace and quiet to work on getting his friends back to normal. 

It doesn’t last twenty minutes, however. In ten minutes, Jim is awake, and fighting mad. “What did you do to me?” he screams at Spock, startling Bones in the other room. Bones spills some of the serum he’s pipetting into a vial, and swears. He wants to slam the pipette down, but sets it down gently instead. He gets into the main room to see Jim scrambling down from the bed and moving angrily towards Spock. 

“ _James!_ ” Bones hollers, and Jim stops dead in his tracks. He turns to face Bones sheepishly. “Spock tells me you were pulling his ears, is that true?” 

“Yes, but - “ 

“No buts! Time out!” 

“Sorry, sir.” 

“Apologize to Spock!” 

“Sorry, Spock.” 

“Stay in here, and don’t touch anything! Spock, come with me into the lab.” 

Jim climbs back up on the bed he just left and sits there, cowed, as Bones leads Spock with him back into the lab. He needed a little of Spock’s blood anyway, to formulate the right aging compound. 

“What are you attempting to synthesize, Doctor?” Spock asks. He can barely see over the lab bench, but he reaches for one of the beakers. 

“Don’t touch that,” Bones says, and Spock draws his hand back, gripping the edge of the bench with both sets of small fingers. “I’m making an aging compound.” 

“Why?” Spock asks. He stands on his tiptoes, trying to see what else is on the bench. “Is that not the opposite of what medicine has been attempting to accomplish since its inception?” 

“I know,” Bones says to himself under his breath. “Yeah, well, I need an aging compound, so I’ve gotta make one,” he adds. 

“Doctor, have you ever considered the possibility that Jim might have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?” 

_Many times._ “I’m a surgeon, not a psychiatrist, Spock.” 

“Can I assist you, Doctor?” 

“No, Spock, you can’t even see above the lab bench.” 

“Oh.” 

Bones hears footsteps in the other room - no doubt an escape attempt is being made. 

“Jaaaaaaames,” Bones says scoldingly. The footsteps stop. 

“Sorry,” comes the response. 

“I think you should reconsider a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Doctor.” 

“Spock. Please.” 

“My apologies, Doctor.” 

Bones toils on the aging compound in relative quiet. Spock opens cabinets and peers at bottles on shelves, though Bones has made him promise not to touch anything he finds. It’s not until he hears the whirr of the medbay door that he realizes something is going on. 

“ _JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK!_ ” Bones shouts, storming out into the medbay. Jim stops in his tracks, a step outside the door. “You get your ass back in here, boy, before I tan your hide!” 

“I’m sorry,” Jim says. Tears are welling up in his eyes, then rolling down his cheeks. All the air goes out of Bones. He scoops Jim up and puts him on his knee. 

“Hey, shh, it’s okay,” he says softly. “I shouldn’t have yelled. I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

Jim sniffles and sobs, shaken. Bones rubs his back and shushes him again. Spock peers out at them from the lab, and Bones glares at him to say, _get back in the lab._ Jim would hate it if Spock saw him crying. 

Suddenly, Bones has a spark of inspiration. “Jim, how would you like to see the bridge?” 

Instantly, Jim perks up. He rubs a hand under his nose to wipe away the snot, and uses the sleeve to wipe away the tears. “Yeah!” he exclaims. 

_Perfect,_ Bones thinks. _I can give them to Sulu and Chekov for a couple of hours, and I can work on the antidote in peace._ “Come on, Spock. You’ll enjoy it too.” 

Bones carries Jim on his hip, and leads Spock by the hand. “Bridge,” he says once they’ve clambered into the turbo lift. 

“Wow!” Jim says as the lift zooms upwards. Bones remembers how his voice sounded when he first saw the _Enterprise,_ full of awe and pride and excitement. It sounded like that now, but in a higher octave. “Cool!” 

The doors open, and Jim gets a whole new surprise. It was impressive even for Bones the first time - buttons and lights and screens everywhere, and in front of them, the huge screen showing the movement of space outside. 

“Captain on the bridge,” Chekov chirps, glancing at the three of them. 

“Sulu,” Bones says, taking the children down to where Sulu sat in the captain’s chair. “I need you to watch them.” 

“What?” Hikaru asks. “McCoy, I can’t, I’m captaining the ship - ” 

“Well, we’re just cruising, aren’t we?” 

“Yes, but - ” 

“Well then your job is mostly nothing at this point. I need you to watch Jim and Spock.” 

“But - ” 

“Watch them, Sulu. Take Chekov with you if you want, take them off the bridge, do whatever, but watch them and make sure they don’t get into trouble. I have work to do.” 

McCoy deposits Jim on Hikaru’s lap and releases Spock’s hand. “Boys, this is Acting Captain Hikaru Sulu, and he’s going to watch you for a little bit while I get some work done.” With that, Bones retreats from the bridge. 

"Um, well," Hikaru says to the children, "this is the bridge..." 

"What does that do?" Jim asks, motioning towards the helmsman's station. 

"That controls the ship," Hikaru explains. "You can fire the phasers from there and fly the ship. That's what I usually do." 

"Why are you not doing it now?" Spock asks. 

"Well - " 

" _Captain,_ " says Nyota, behind them. "Do you really think the bridge is the best place for children?" 

"...No," Hikaru answers. 

Hikaru looks around for Jim, who has wedged himself under the arm of the helmsman to look at the controls." 

"Cap - I mean, Jim, come on, we're done on the bridge for now," Hikaru announces. "Pavel, help me." 

"Aye sir," Pavel replies. Jim scampers back to the captain's chair. 

“Up,” Jim demands of Sulu. 

“What?” Hikaru asks, confused. 

“Up!” Jim says. “Pick me up!” 

Hikaru bends and picks Jim up, hefting him to his hip. He’s not quite as strong as McCoy, or if he is, McCoy certainly made this look easier than it is. 

“Would you like to be picked up as well, Mr. Spock?” Pavel asks, though he’s not as strong as even Hikaru, and Spock is larger than Jim. 

“No,” Spock answers, and Pavel counts himself lucky. 

“Where are we going?” Jim asks as they ride down the turbo lift. 

“My quarters,” Hikaru answers. Next to him, Pavel looks nervous - it’s strange to be looking at the captain and commander this way, like looking at their baby pictures, except the pictures are alive. 

“We’re going to the captain’s quarters?” Jim asks excitedly. 

“Uh, acting captain,” Hikaru reminds him. 

“Where is the captain, Mr. Sulu?” Spock asks. It sounds so familiar Sulu feels like he’s spinning. 

“He’s um - he’s - indisposed,” Hikaru answers. He glances at Pavel, who shrugs. Hikaru reminds himself to think of a way to get back at McCoy for pinning them with the kids. 

“Can we see the captain?” Jim asks. “I’ve never met a real starship captain before.” 

For a moment, Hikaru is offended. _I’m a real starship captain,_ he thinks. _Well. Acting captain. I’m holding the real captain._ “No,” Hikaru answers. 

“Here we are,” Pavel says when they reach Hikaru’s quarters. He leads Spock inside, and Hikaru follows. 

“Alright, time to get down,” Hikaru says to Jim, and sets him on his feet in front of the bed. 

“What’s that?” Jim asks, pointing at one of Hikaru’s plants. The plant turns towards the sound - it’s used to Hikaru’s voice, and to some extent Pavel’s and Nyota’s, since they’re often in here, but Jim’s voice is new and the plant is trying to assimilate the new information. 

“It’s an Aurelian parrot plant,” Hikaru answers. 

“Why’s it moving?” 

“It’s listening to you. It uh, when it gets bigger than it is - much bigger - it lures people in by calling to them in a voice that sounds like someone they might know.” 

“And then what does it do?” 

“It eats them.” 

“ _Cool._ ” 

Spock is examining the room, and looks at Hikaru’s desk. There’s some papers, a half-full watering can, and - 

“What is this, Mr. Sulu?” he asks. 

“That is the PADD,” Pavel answers for him. “It lets you communicate with the ship’s computer.” 

“Fascinating.” 

“What’s _that?_ ” Jim gasps. Before Hikaru understands what he’s talking about, Jim is rushing towards the sword displayed above Hikaru’s desk. 

“No!” Hikaru says, but before he can stop him, Jim has already snatched the sword off its hooks. Spock backs away, and so does Pavel 

“Do you know how to use this?” Jim asks. It’s too heavy for him and he adjusts his grip on the hilt, and Hikaru moves towards him slowly. 

“Yes, I have a lot of special training,” Hikaru says. “I have to have a special permit to carry that sword. Jim, put it down, please.” 

“Can you teach me?” Jim asks. He touches the blade, feeling the smooth steel, and accidentally nicks himself. “Ouch!” he exclaims, and puts the finger in his mouth. It’s a small scratch, and the distraction lets Hikaru take the sword from him and stash it in the top drawer of his dresser, but Hikaru can hear McCoy’s voice ringing in his ears already. 

“Look, here,” Hikaru says. “Come and look at this...” 

Hikaru guides the boys over to his table of plants, putting them in front of a plant that looks something like a spider plant from Earth, except with the addition of several fluffy pink balls. “You can touch this one,” Hikaru says. He strokes one of the fluff balls with two fingers, like you might pet a rabbit. Jim reaches for it eagerly, but Hikaru reminds him to be gentle. Spock strokes one of the fluff balls, and the plant starts to vibrate, making a noise much like a cat purring. 

“What is this plant called, Mr. Sulu?” Spock asks. 

“The name it has on its homeworld translates roughly to ‘nurse plant,’” Hikaru says. Pavel, he notices, is not doing much at all. Not that Hikaru blames him, considering that he’s practically still a child himself, albeit one that knows not to go wantonly picking up swords. “It has a lot of medicinal uses, but mostly they call it that because it’s been known to stroke nearby injured people to comfort them.” Just as he says this, one of the fluff balls extends on a jointed stalk and rubs the back of Jim’s hand. Jim grins widely and looks at Hikaru. Hikaru smiles at him. “See? It knows you cut your finger.” 

“What’s that one, Hikaru?” Jim asks, pointing at one that resembles a small cactus. 

“Don’t ever touch that one,” Hikaru warns. 

“Okay,” Jim replies. 

After an hour or two, down in the lab, Bones is beginning to get uneasy. He wants the boys where he can see them, however much of a nuisance they make of themselves. He tells himself he can just give the two of them a sedative if they won’t settle down. 

Bones proceeds up to the bridge, expecting to find the children buzzing around Sulu and Chekov and Uhura. What he finds instead is Uhura and the replacement helmsman relaxing at their posts. 

“Where’s the captain and Commander Spock?” Bones demands. 

“I think Sulu took them to his quarters,” Uhura says. 

Bones has seen Sulu’s quarters. There are quite a few things in there that are not child-safe. Bones shakes his head and gets back in the lift, headed down to crew quarters. 

Bones pounds on the door, and moments later it slides open. Jim and Pavel are sitting on the bed, and Hikaru and Spock are near Hikaru’s table full of plants. 

“Hi, Doc!” Jim chirps. 

“Get him away from that cactus, it’s not safe,” Bones demands of Hikaru. 

“It’s not a cactus, Doctor, it’s a Babylonian spear pear,” Spock explains. 

“I know what it is, and it’s very deadly,” Bones says. Hikaru makes Spock take a couple steps backwards. 

“We were playing I Spy,” Jim says. “Pavel’s really good at it but I’m good too.” 

Suddenly, Bones narrows his eyes. “What is that?” he asks. 

“What’s what?” Hikaru asks. 

“I Spy with my little eye a bandage on Jim's finger!” 

“Oh, that. Well you see - ” 

“You let him touch that damned sword of yours, didn’t you? I oughta flay you. I - ” 

“Doctor,” Pavel breaks in, “not in front of the children.” 

Bones grabs Spock by the hand, and motions for Jim to join him as well. Both children and both crewmen in tow, Bones takes them all back up to the bridge. 

“Uhura,” Bones calls. “You’re babysitting. I have to have a little discussion with Mr. Chekov and Mr. Sulu.” 

“What?” Nyota says, taken aback. “But I - ” 

“NO BUTS. Why is everyone arguing with orders all of a sudden? What part of ‘commanding medical officer’ do you not understand? Is it the ‘commanding’ part? Because it seems like it!” 

“No sir, I understand sir,” Nyota says. “Sorry, sir.” 

Hikaru leads the children over to Nyota’s station. “Nyota, thank you,” he says. There’s a look of pain and dread in his eyes - if she were getting scolded by McCoy, she might have that look too. “Tis a far greater thing I do...” he trails off. He and Pavel follow the doctor into the turbo lift sheepishly. 

Jim, even as a child, _especially_ as a child, is a troublemaker. He pokes his nose into everything, including the transmission Nyota is trying to send. 

“Don’t touch that!” Nyota says sharply. It’s enough to startle Jim, and his lower lip wobbles before tears start to well in his eyes. “Don’t cry. Don’t cry, Jim,” she says, trying to calm him. It does nothing. Nyota should not be babysitting. She was a terrible babysitter when she was younger, and she had never gotten any better. “ _I’ll give you something to cry about if you’re not careful,_ ” she hisses at Jim. It feels bizarrely good, getting to chew Jim out like this - before she remembers he’s five. 

Nyota decides she can’t do this. She’s not getting any work done, and she might end up beating Jim if he keeps acting like this. “Come on, Spock,” she says, grabbing him away from the scanner, and leading them both by the hand down to the medical bay. McCoy might be there by now, or at least Christine will be. 

“Christine!” she announces when she strides into the medbay with the children in tow. “My God, I’m glad you’re here. You’ve got to take them. I can’t do anything with them buzzing around on the bridge, and I’ve got to contact Starfleet and let them know our plans. Will you look after them?” 

“No,” Christine says. “I’ve got to work on getting them back to normal!” 

“Back to normal?” Jim asks. Nyota and Christine ignore him. 

“Christine you’ve got to. Just for a little while. McCoy will be back any minute!” 

“But - but -” 

“Thank you!” Nyota calls, halfway down the hall already. The door whirrs closed after her and Christine is alone with Jim and Spock. She eyes them suspiciously. 

“Don’t touch anything,” she says. 

It’s not long before something goes crashing in another room of the medbay. Christine shuts her eyes, sighs, and then opens them. _I’m a medical nurse,_ she thinks, _not a wet nurse. Someone else has got to take these kids._ “Come on,” she says, and takes each of them by the hand. 

“Scotty,” she says, sweeping into the engineering bay with the children in tow. Their little legs are struggling to keep up with her, but she hasn’t been paying much mind. “You’re watching them.” 

“I’m what?” he says, turning to look at Christine. “Oh!” 

“Here,” Christine says, ushering Jim and Spock towards Scotty. “They’re being nothing but a nuisance in medbay. You’ve got to have something to entertain them down here.” 

Scotty’s face breaks into a wide grin. “Ach, o’course I do!” he says. He scoops Jim up and puts him on his hip, and takes Spock by the shoulder. “Never you fear, Miz Chapel, I’ll entertain the wee lads.” 

_Phaser blast dodged,_ Christine thinks. She nods her thanks to Scotty and retreats back to the medbay. 

“Are these the engines?” Jim asks. 

“They sure are, Captain,” Scotty says proudly. “Well, the regular ones, anyway. Warp core’s on another floor, but I can control ‘em from here, too.” 

“Cool.” 

Elsewhere in the ship, Bones has finished yelling at Hikaru and Pavel, and he heads back with them to the bridge to collect the boys. 

“Alright, come on kids,” Bones announces as the doors of the turbo lift open. “Back to medbay with me.” 

Bones looks around the bridge and doesn’t see any children. What he does see, however, is Uhura, looking sheepish. 

“Lieutenant Uhura,” Bones says, dangerously quiet, “Where are the captain and Commander Spock?” 

“I gave them to Christine!” Nyota confesses. “They were fooling around on the bridge, I couldn’t even send a message to Starfleet about their condition with them buzzing around me!” Bones narrows his eyes, then storms back into the turbo lift. _How hard is it to keep a pair of kids in one place for ten minutes?_ he rages. 

The medbay is strangely silent. It should not be this silent, not with those two boys around. 

“Chapel!” Bones calls. 

“Yes, Doctor?” she replies, poking her head out from the lab. 

“Where are Jim and Spock?” 

“I gave them to Scotty,” she says 

“Let me get this straight. You put _children_... in the _engine room._ ” 

“Well, they were ruining things in here! Those two are completely unmanageable, they - “ 

“I _know_ they’re completely unmanageable, they’re completely unmanageable as _adults!_ Are you a trained medical professional or aren’t you? Surely you can handle a pair of kids!” 

“I was working on the antidote, and I - “ 

“I’ll be in the engine room!” Bones shouts, and storms out of his medbay, muttering under his breath. A shipful of professionals and not a single one of them could handle a couple kids! Bones rushes into the engine room, preparing himself to be sent on another wild goose chase. Instead, he finds Spock at Scotty’s PADD, reading through the engine manuals, and Jim on Scotty’s shoulders, holding a phaser and laughing while Scotty made starship noises. 

“ _Mr. Scott!_ ” Bones yells, rushing towards him. Spock straightens and watches Bones anxiously. 

“Aye?” Scotty says, and turns to look at Bones. “Hello, Doctor! Just havin’ a bit o’ fun down here!” 

“You gave him a _phaser?_ ” Bones hisses. 

“I gave ‘em _both_ phasers,” Scotty says proudly. When he sees McCoy swelling with anger, he adds, “Don’t worry, I took the power out o’ ‘em. They couldn’t hurt anythin’ with ‘em.” 

Bones takes Jim off of Scotty’s shoulders and sets him on the ground. “Aw, Doc,” Jim says. “I was having fun! Scotty let us ride in the Jeffries tubes, and - ” 

Bones narrows his eyes at Scotty, then squeezes Jim in a tight hug. “Ouch!” Jim protests. 

“I thought I wasn’t gonna find you,” Bones says. Against his better judgement, he finds himself tearing up. 

“Don’t be such a baby,” Jim says. Bones frowns and cuffs him around the ear. 

“I do not understand your emotional display,” Spock says behind him. “We were never in any danger.” 

“ _Children in an engine room,_ ” he grumbles at Scotty. Scotty shrugs. 

“No harm would’ve come to ‘em,” he says. “I had my eyes on ‘em the whole time, Bones.” 

Bones softens. “You’re right, Scotty. You were a better babysitter than Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, and Chapel combined.” 

“Thank you, sir.” 

Bones leads the children out of the engine room, and back towards the medbay. 

“Why does he call us Captain and Commander, Doc?” Jim asks, swinging his hand in Bones’. 

“Scotty just likes to give people nicknames,” Bones lies. 

“Is that why he called you ‘Bones’?” 

“Yes.” 

“Why does he call you that? Why doesn’t he call you Doc or something, like I do?” 

“It’s short for ‘sawbones.’ It’s something they used to call doctors a long time ago.” _And Scotty didn’t come up with it, kid. You did._

Jim yawns. Internally, Bones agrees. He’s exhausted, and the kids must be too. 

“What say we get ready for bed?” 

“I’m not tired,” Jim protests. 

“Vulcans can go two weeks without sleep,” Spock asserts. 

“Yeah, well, you’re half-human, and Vulcans need sleep just as much as humans.” 

Bones brings them to his own quarters, which are right next to the medbay. The bed is big enough for the two of them, and he puts each of them in one of his own shirts as makeshift pajamas. 

“Read us a bedtime story!” Jim commands, nestling down into Bones’ oversized bed. 

Bones frowns at him, but then softens. “What do you want me to read?” he asks. 

“‘Go, Dog, Go’!” Jim says, bouncing a little. “That’s my favorite book. I can read almost all the words in it.” 

“My mother reads me ‘The Nature of the Universe,’ by an Earthman named Stephen Hawking. She said he was a very important person in her homeworld’s history.” 

“That sounds _boring,_ ” Jim says. 

“‘Go, Dog, Go’ sounds juvenile.” 

“Hey now!” Bones breaks in. “How about we read my favorite book from when I was a kid, huh?” 

Begrudgingly, the children agree. Bones pulls up ‘Good Night, Moon’ on his PADD and turns it so the kids can see the pictures. 

“‘In the great green room,’” Bones reads, “‘there was a telephone, and a red balloon, and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon.’” 

“What’s a telephone?” Jim asks. 

“It’s like... an old kind of communicator.” 

“Oh.” 

“‘And there were three little bears sitting on chairs, and two little kittens and a pair of mittens...” 

By the time Bones had reached, ‘Good night stars, good night air, good night noises everywhere,’ Jim’s eyes were already drooping closed. 

“It was not as good as ‘The Nature of the Universe,’” Spock says, “But I enjoyed it.” 

“Good night, Spock,” Bones says, trying not to roll his eyes. “Good night, Jim.” Spock settles down in the sheets and Jim curls up on his side. Bones retreats quietly from the room and the door slides shut behind him. 

_Finally,_ he thinks. _I can actually get some work done on getting them back to their adult selves._

“Chapel,” he calls quietly once he gets back to the lab. 

She enters from one of the side rooms of the medbay. “Yes, Doctor?” 

“I need you to help me with this antidote,” he says wearily. “Do you think their memories will be restored once we get them to the right age?” 

Christine looks uncertain for a moment, then shrugs. “I think it’s possible that their bodies will remember their older structure,” she says, “And with it will come their brain structure, and all their memories.” 

“But it’s also possible that they won’t.” 

“I suppose so.” 

Bones sighs. “We’ve got to take that chance.” 

The two of them work through the night, but Bones cannot resist checking in on the boys every now and then. Jim is in a different position every time Bones checks on him, but he’s always sucking his thumb. Bones thinks it’s incredibly cute, but makes a mental note to tease him mercilessly about it when Jim is returned to his proper age. Even more amusing, however, is the fact that Spock cuddles in his sleep - he always has his arms wrapped around Jim. 

“Doctor?” says a small voice over the comm in the middle of the night. Bones looks at Christine, and sets down the vial he’s examining. 

“Yes, Spock?” Bones answers. 

“I want my mother.” 

_Oh, no._ “Spock, your mother isn’t here.” 

“I know, Doctor. But I want her to be. Why isn’t she here? It seems illogical that a mother would not accompany her child on a deep space mission.” 

_Shit,_ Bones thinks. “Will it help if you sleep in medbay with me?” he asks. “I could read you ‘The Nature of the Universe.’”There’s silence for a moment, then Spock replies, “I think that will be sufficient, Doctor.” 

Bones retrieves Spock from the room and sets him on one of the beds in the medical bay. Bones grabs his PADD and pulls up the book Spock wanted. It’s complex, and dull, and Bones is yawning long before Spock is. In the end, Bones has to read thirty-two pages of The Nature of the Universe before Spock’s eyes close. 

“You’ve done a good job, Doctor,” Christine whispers to him when he enters the lab. 

“Well, half my job is not done,” he replies. “We’ve got to get them back the way they were.” 

There’s a breakthrough around 07:30, and Bones is so pleased he wants to hug Christine, but he doesn’t. The de-aging compound will be cake compared to the aging compound - after all, hasn’t medicine been working on de-aging for thousands of years? 

At 08:30, Bones leads Jim into medbay, and promptly lays him in one of the beds. 

“Now, I’m going to give you each a couple of shots,” Bones says. Christine brings him four hypos, labeled as to which compound each contains and which of them it’s meant for. 

“Why?” Jim asks. 

“Because we are not the ages we are supposed to be,” Spock answers him. 

Bones startles. “Who told you that?” 

“Doctor. You are working on an aging compound with two young children in your medbay. It was the logical conclusion.” 

Jim is not taking it sitting down. “How old are we supposed to be?” 

“Older,” Bones says wearily. 

“What are our functions aboard this ship?” Spock asks. 

Bones heaves a sigh. Well, now was as good a time to tell them as any. Maybe it would jog their memories, help them to get them back easier. “Spock, you’re the ship’s science officer, and the first officer. Jim - God, this is going to go to your head, but it’s the truth - you’re the captain.” 

“ _I’m_ the captain?” Jim asks. He looks as if he’s about to explode from excitement. “I’ve got a whole ship to fly all over space?” 

“Not in this condition you don’t,” Bones insists. “That’s why we’ve got to put you right. So the ship has her captain again.” 

“All this time you’ve been bossing me around, and I’m your _superior officer,_ ” Jim says gleefully. 

“Alright, that’s it,” Bones says sternly. He hypos Jim with ruthless efficiency, and it knocks him out almost instantly. Bones takes a deep breath in the sudden silence and delivers a hypo to Spock as well. 

The whole process takes minutes, during which Bones and Christine watch their limbs stretch and their muscles grow, stubble blooming on Jim’s chin and lines beginning to appear on their faces. Carefully monitoring their vitals, they wait until both are restored to their rightful ages, and introduce the de-aging compound. The de-aging compound will work against the aging compound, slowing the rate of aging to normal biological levels. 

The crisis over at last, Bones lays himself down on one of the beds on the other side of the medbay, and promptly falls asleep. 

“Bones?” comes Jim’s voice, hours later, cracked and hazy-sounding as he comes out of the medication but adult at last. “What happened?” 

Bones grins. “I’ll debrief you both later,” Bones says, nodding at Spock, who is still passed out. “ _Thumbsucker,_ ” Bones adds. 

“How did you - ?” Jim starts, but Bones simply rolls over and goes back to sleep, smiling.


End file.
